you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
