So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
