Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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