I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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