Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
