And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We were destined to go to rehab together
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
