we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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