We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
