It's like a parade of train wrecks.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
