i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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