Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
