it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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