would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
