the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
