Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
