he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
