yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
