here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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