I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
