Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
