We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
