I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
