i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
