I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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