Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
