Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
