an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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