I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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