I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
