i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
