Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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