community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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