cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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