So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
