Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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