yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
