She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
