i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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