So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
