I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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