I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
