i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
