i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
