Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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