I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have fence marks all over my body
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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