if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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