every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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