You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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