it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
