Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
