I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
